This is part one of a two part post about discerning whether it is good or bad to talk about others. The question is, do we ever have the right or responsibility to talk about others?

Talking about others in a bad way is called “gossip.” By definition, gossip is to talk about the personal or private affairs of others, whether the juicy news is fact or fiction! There are many verses in the Bible that talk about gossip, and it is never a good thing:

Proverbs 11:13 / NIV - A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
Proverbs 26:20 / NIV - Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

The Apostle Paul mentions gossip among some of the worst kinds of sin:

Romans 1:28-31 / NIV - ²⁸Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. ²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. ³²Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

We know that gossip is never right, so what does make talking about someone else officially gossip? There are five ways for beginning to determine whether talking about someone else is good or not:

1) Presence. Is the person being talked about never around when we talk about them?  Do we only talk about them behind their backs and never or rarely face-to-face?  What would their response be to what we are saying if they were here?

2) Preoccupied. Whenever I learn new information, do I instantly think about whom I can share it with?  Do I always have to be “in the know” or am I content being “out of the loop”?

3) Prayer. Sometimes we spiritualize gossip by hiding it in the form of a prayer request.  Are you really asking for prayer for someone else when you talk about them, or are you masking the desire to gossip as a prayer request?

By the way, determining whether talking about someone else is gossip has nothing to do with intentions. I can talk about someone else, have great intentions, and still do them harm by sharing the information. At the core of this issue is the fourth “p”:

4) Permission. Do I have permission to pass along the information I’ve been given?  Or, do I freely share without caring to substantiate the information or think about how I might harm someone in the sharing process?

If you don’t have permission to share the information you learned, then it’s best to just zip it! If you have difficulty keeping a lid on revealing information that you don’t have permission to share, then you should work on this in your life. You may not just have a gossip problem; you may have a “heart” problem that is manifesting itself in the form of the sin called gossip.

Next week we will talk about some ways in which we are given permission to talk about others, and I’ll share with you what the fifth “p” is. (I bet you were wondering if I could still count to 5!)